Jak jsem se stala ošklivým káčátkem.

15. července 2014 v 18:05 | Venouš |  Téma Týdne
Další téma týdne, které mě nabádá k napsání pesimistického článku- což znamená, že pokračuji v čtyřměsíčním maratónu pesimismu. Ale o to se zase tolik nejedná, protože všechnem nádherný, smutný a hnusný text je namířen na mou osobu a jak já jsem vlastně ta zkažená, což znamená, že bych se měla nějakým způsobem napravit já a hlavně bych nějakým způsobem měla přijít na to, jak bych měla vypudit monstrum pryč z mé hlavy, což nějakou dobu potrvá a znamená to, že články budu svým způsobem střídat.

Ale abych to nezdržovala nějakými žvásty, které stejně budou v postupu času splňovány, tak vám radši odvyprávím tento článek, kdy jsem přišla na to, že jsem stejná, jako to ošklivé káčátko- tu pohádku snad znají všichni, ne?



Jak jsem byla malá, tak jsem to nevnímala, jak každé jiné dítě. Byla jsem prostě taková vypasená dívka s tupozrakostí. Nosila jsem zalepené oko, byla jsem svým způsobem dost ohavná. Ale pořád jsem si tehdy připadala hezčí než jsem teď. Je to totiž takové zvláčtní, chtěla bych se zase vrátit do roku, kdyby mi bylo 5 let. To mi nikdo nepřipadal škaredý, nikdo mi nepřipadal krásný a hlavně jsem tolik nedbala o to, jak vlastně vypdaám, nehrotila jsem se před zrcadlem.

Jenomže nastalo období, kdy mi byly 13 narozeniny a já jsem začala prostě vnímat, jak se na mě lidi dívají, jak vypadám a hlavně jsem zjistila, že jsem tlustá, hnusná a mnoho dalších nevýhod, které jako dívka bohužel mám. Bylo to strašné, byla jsem ten den ve škole, byla už zima a já jsem se tam koulovala s klukama. Jenomže
potom tam přišel nějaký kluk a prostě všichni mě nechali být. Bylo mi to líto, a tak jsem se tam chtěla vecpat, ale potom zaznělo, že mezi nimi nemám co dělat, že jsem škaredá. A v ten moment se to se mnou celé svezlo. Byl to totiž klučičí hlas. To snad všichni už chápete. Kluk, řekne, že nejsem hezká.

Když jsem to teda uslyšela, tak jsem prostě ztichla, otočila jsem se a pomalu jsem se rozešla směrem ke svému domovu. Bylo mi stašně, myslela jsem, že mi hlasivky každou chvílí explodují, chtělo se mi neuvěřitelně křičet, brečet a prostě všechno. No a tak jsem všechno začala brát vážně. Od té doby jsem byla naprosto jiný člověk.

Nejen, že mě šikanovali, ale prostě jsem uslyšela větu, kterou jsem nikdy od holky neslyšela. A najednou to prostě příjde. Všechno se to se mnou sveze dolů a svezla jsem se snad na týden do depresí. Sice jsem to nedávala vůbec najevo, ale prostě jsem po nocích brečelo, nechtělo se mi nikam chodit, prostě jsem nechtěla s níkým mluvit a pořád jsem myslela na to, jestli jsem opravdu tak škaredá. A pak jsem tedy začala slýchat ze všech stran, že jsem fakt škaredá.

Bylo to příšerný, ale po někoolika letech jsem se z toho začala trochu vyhrabávat. Až teď. Ale pořád se snažím trochu- trochu víc- zhubnout a snažím se najít naprosto "perfect positive mind". A doufám, že nejste na tom nikdo jako já. Je dobré alespoň trochu mít svoje vlastní já rád. A potom už je všechno v pohodě.



 

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